It Finally Came

The next couple days were very depressing. But on Wednesday the doctor gave us hope again. He told us that since the only thing keeping Nikolai in the NICU was the oxygen he was going to see if he could send us home with it. At first I was reluctant, I didn't want to get my hopes up again and have them shatter, once again. The nurses didn't help either. One of them told us that in the 15 years of her working in the hospital she never knew of doctor sending home an infant on oxygen. That we were just gonna have to wait it out. But sure enough by the end of the day the doctor told us it was going to happen. Nikolai was going home tomorrow. We just had to get a lesson on how to work/set up his oxygen tanks and apnea monitor. We had to get a rundown on how to add formula to his breastmilk to prevent his acid reflux, and we still had to have a "room in" night. 
I was beyond thrilled but I kept my feet on the ground and kept myself from floating to cloud nine. That night was beautiful, Nathan and I agreed that we would take turns with Nikolai's feedings but I would still wake up to pump before. It was about 10 when we decide to call it a night. The room we stayed in had a huge thick door that kept out all the loud beeping noises of the NICU and no windows that made it pitch black. Completely opposite of what Nikolai was use to sleeping through. He was comfortable with a constant beep or random beeps, alarms, other babies crying or people talking. He slept through commotion. So the silent scared him. Every hour or so he would wake up screaming Nathan would rush to him, comfort him and rock him to sleep again. Around his next feeding time I pumped gave it to Nathan and went back to bed. Nikolai didn't eat it all so like a cute new naive daddy Nathan dumps the rest. 20 minutes later Nikolai screams for more food but it is all gone. I wake up find out what's going on, instant anger. Poor Nathan had an exhausted, hungry, screaming baby and an exhausted, frustrated wife telling him to use his common daddy sense. Needless to say.....I was a really rough night. But we made it through. 
Three weeks after he was born on Thursday August 26 around 4:00 Nikolai stepped out of the hospital for the first time. I skipped down the hallways all the way to the car, I got the whole thing on camera. We are all going to watch that video years from now and look back and the whole experience and see it as a just a small bump on this long and gorgeous road.