Always By His Side

Sunday came and I was going to be released from the maternity ward. I had not thought of checking out until the social worker told me that I could ask the NICU if I could use one of the parent rooms to stay in and if not they would let me stay another night in the one I was already in. I had forgotten that it was a privilege to stay in the hospital longer, it was already set in my mind that I wasn't leaving without Nikolai. I was extremely great full that the hospital even had a room for parents to stay in while their child was in the NICU. The thought of leaving my baby by himself for a night broke my heart and gave me a horrible feeling in my stomach. So we packed up our things and moved in a room across the hall from Nikolai. It was nothing special just a bed, a recliner, a bathroom and a vital monitor for when the baby stays in the room with you. We weren't in the room that much anyways, we spent most of our time in his room.

Nathan and I were at every one of his feedings, every three hours, day and night. Which became exhausting.  Not to mention that I was pumping every 3 hours (including at night) so I didn't sleep much. So after a couple days, we decided to split the schedule into two shifts. I got the mornings, from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m, we would both be there for Nikolai's 7 p.m. feeding and then Nathan got 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. Like clock work, we were there 15 minutes before feedings to change his diaper and cuddle just before it was time to eat. The nurses would always joke about how it wasn't fair that we always got to feed him, we never gave them a chance to spend time. 

All the nurses adored Nikolai, multiple ladies would randomly drop in and say hi to him and "oogle" over how adorable he was. Nikolai was the Ladies Man. "He is so precious, and sweet." "He makes my day every time I see him" "He is such a good baby, he never cries, but if he feels forgotten he'll let out a yell to remind you he is there" And of course he had a favorite nurse who was perfect with him. We felt comfortable with all the nurses who watched him but when she was working we knew he was being well taken care of.The nights that she worked, we would let her have a feeding once a night. 

We were constantly told what good parents we were. That we were the youngest parents in the NICU but were more "committed" than most. I never understood what they meant. How could you not be committed to your child? I understand that having a job would  prevent you from being with your baby all the time but when you have free time why wouldn't you want to be by their side? I am glad that Nathan and I didn't have jobs at the time and could be there all hours of the day. Nikolai IS my life, it revolves around him and I wouldn't have it any other way. As a mother it is my job to nurture my child, comfort him, put his well being before my own and love him unconditionally. I can't fathom how a mother would not feel that way.