The Up Hill Battle Begins

I have been subconsciously putting off writing about our NICU experience because it was the hardest time in my life it is difficult to think about. But here it goes...

We were escorted to the NICU when we woke up, a nurse taught us how to wash our hands with  surgical sponges and explained why we had to do it every time we came into the unit. Still in my hospital gown I was pushed in my wheelchair to Nikolai's room. It was a relatively small room with no door, separated from the other rooms by a half wall and glass windows. My eyes quickly scanned the room, there was a sink, a curtain, a recliner, a monitor that showed his vitals and a radiant warmer. I was pushed in front of the warmer, and there he was. Wrapped in a hospital blanket with his left arm by his beautiful face. My heart fell, I started to cry. They had put an I.V. in his left hand that administered antibiotics, and in the NICU they put a protective cast over it so it doesn't get taken out on accident. He had wires coming out of the blanket that were connected to his chest to monitor his heartbeats and a cannula in his nose for oxygen. The nurse asked if I wanted to hold him. I sat down in the recliner and she handed him to me. Nikolai looked so precious like a fragile porcelain doll. The nurse explained to us that as far as they knew he had no infections, the antibiotics were routine for any baby that goes in the NICU, his heart rate was good but the oxygen level in his blood was extremely low which caused him to turn blue in the nursery. But since the cannula had been placed, his stats had gone up. The whole time she was talking it was muffled in my ears. I was lost in Nikolai's face. I didn't want to give anyone or anything else my attention, he deserves it all. Nathan later explained in detail everything she had said. We stayed there for a couple hours but we went back to the room to call and explain what had happened to all the friends and family that wanted to see Nikolai. Our close family still came and either Nathan or I took them to go visit him. I kept hearing "It'll be ok" "I'm sorry" "you'll be fine' "you can get through this" so many times it started to bother me. I understood that in tough situations others don't know how to react and they try saying comforting things.But I already knew it was going to be ok, there was no need to be sorry for us, we had no other choice but to get through it. I just happened to have a baby boy who needed a little more care than others and more time to get stronger. Nikolai may have not been as physically strong but his spirit was the strongest I have ever seen. I could see it in his eyes. He is on a mission. In the first day of his life he had already started teaching us some of the most important things in life, patience and hope.

Nikolai was put on a feeding schedule, every three hours he would eat and Nathan and I made sure we were there for every one. The next day he was taken out of the warmer and was able to sleep in a crib.