I started having contractions on the 4th of July but did not know they were real. Not having experienced any fake or real contractions I just assumed it was the infamous Braxton hicks ones everyone told me about. I was wrong. I had small pains all day that would stop me in my tracks but I just brushed them off. I had two more weeks til my due date and with how stubborn my chunkamonk is, I figured if anything he would be a couple days late. I celebrated fourth of July with my in-laws and went home to pack for our trip to Scottsdale. We planned on leaving first thing in the morning, why we thought it was ok to travel while I was 38 weeks is beyond me. I finished packing around midnight and crawled into bed. Around 2:30 a.m. I woke up in pain, but I was tired and try to push through it. The pain kept growing by the minute, I started to cry it hurt so much. I got up and started timing the contractions. I didn't care that my husband was asleep next to me, I turned on the light, searched for a pad of paper, a pen and an informational book I had received about timing contractions. In tears I time them, they averaged about 5 minutes and 37 seconds apart. My husband half asleep turns to me and asks "why is the light on?" Stuttering I answer "I think the baby is coming...." I start crying harder, saying it out loud made reality set in, in a way the pain could not. He mutters "uh..ok." and goes back to sleep. Furious, I start making more noise on purpose. Still half asleep but more awake than before "Babe what's the matter? Why are you crying?" "I think I'm having the baby can you go get your mom." In half a second he is completely awake and running down the hall. I had been timing my contractions for an hour before Nathan woke up and when his mother came in the room, we watched the clock for another hour. The most painful hours of my life. Walking from my room to the car, I had to stop every few steps for the pain to calm down. And like every woman who has experienced labor, the car ride to the hospital is horrible. I get admitted at 5:00 and the waiting game begins.
In my birth plan I had made up my mind that I did not want an epidural. I wanted to experience it all and be able to brag later about how I survived the excruciating pain of child birth. Again I was so wrong. I was 5 centimeters dilated when I started asking for the drugs. I am still proud of myself for making it half way before 'giving up' . I knew I couldn't handle the pain anymore when I started being really mean to those around me who were just trying to help. I made a remark about how cold I was, so like a nice husband, Nathan gets a blanket to cover me up and I snap at him not to touch me. After a couple more hours and a few more mean remarks the anesthesiologist comes in to give me the epidural. As soon as my legs get tingle-y I am a happy, bubbly, slow reacting person who is floating on cloud 9. According to the clock I had been in labor for 9 hours before the real fun began...the pushing. Two hours later they lay a purple, grey little boy still covered in gunk on my chest. My heart died and went to heaven in that exact moment. The nurse took him away just as fast as she put him there. My husband and I stared into each others eyes worried, thinking the same thing but not saying a word. Why has he not taken a breath yet? Why is he not crying? The worst thought ran through my mind, but was interrupted by a beautiful baby scream.
Nathan and I showed him off for hours to family and friends then we were taken to our new room. It was 10:00 p.m. and we showed no signs of going to bed. We just stared in amazement at the beautiful angel that laid in my arms. We had forgotten he had down syndrome until one of my family members pointed out earlier that Nikolai had little, to no characteristics of a DS baby. Even after that was said we forgot again. We weren't looking for things "wrong with him" he was absolutely perfect in every way imaginable. I didn't see characteristics because I was't looking for them but when I did, I found them. His eyes were the only thing that resembled a downs baby. But I personally don't care what shape his eyes are, it is what is behind them that I fell in love with. The way he would look at me, knowing that I was his mommy, that I was the voice he had been hearing for months and watching him make the connection blew me away. I knew then that I will do whatever I need to for him, I will protect him from the harshness of the world, be a strong advocate, help him get all the resources available and help him grow to be an amazing man. I want what is best for my baby, I will fight for the best and he will have it because he deserves it.
Around 2 a.m. Nathan and I decide to take him to the nursery so we can get some sleep. The next morning a man with a thick Indian accent comes into our room and starts talking while I'm still trying to wake up. "Good morning I am Dr. Salem. Your son is currently in the NICU and is getting evaluated. Apparently he turned blue in the nursery so we put him on oxygen and his color has gotten better. We are admitting him in the NICU to keep a close eye on him for the next couple of days. You can come down and see him in a couple of hours, you've had a long night, for now get some rest, he is in good hands." I bet your wondering how i remembered pretty much everything he said. Well when some one tells you your baby couldn't breathe and is in intensive care you cling to every word.
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